Thursday, October 21, 2010

Raked


is it brown or is it

golden;
it's not gone, only beholden
to a dark and dormant
season
grasses passing
like the reason

i once had
but can't remember
to see each leaf
as glowing ember
popping from some
phoenix roaring
'til its cinders
send it soaring

but ashy skies,
they only bring
a rush of mud and
sorrowing

might as well call falling flying;
fall's a wily word
for dying.

8 comments:

Terresa said...

This poem feels/reads markedly different from your others, to me, that is a good thing, shows your resiliency as a writer.

That said, I'm smitten with the title, "Raked." Want to steal it, drats! :)

The use of fallish words, and then the punch of "wily" at the end, and how it rhymes with dying, but not in a corny way, am I making sense? So good, so good this poem, I need to re-read it a few more times to get it all, like a chocolate sundae, every word (a taste) blows my mind.

Karen said...

At first read, this is striking. On reexamination, I realize how incredibly well crafted and unified it is. Fall takes on a whole new meaning in light of your initial question and images.

I wish I had written these words: "a dark and dormant season". I love the sound and combination of those words! I think the part I love most, though, is that little intrusion where the speaker admits to having lost the ability to see the spark of life coming from this season. That just blew me away. That and this: "might as well call fallng flying/ fall's a wily word/for dying."

Oh, word envy here! That and great admiration.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Oh, so true..."fall's a wily word for dying."

This glides so effortlessly, yet carries so much weight. I love the natural ease of this poem and the fluency of those very well chosen words. dark, dormant, glowing, ashy, sorrowing, falling flying, dying...all set the tone.

Don't think I'm insane...but I love reading this in Peter O'Toole's voice. ;P hahaa!

Anonymous said...

Wow.

I love the last stanza and line. Ironically fatalistic, as autumn tends to be.

I really enjoy your stuff; really appreciate your use of words and images.

Victoria

Kraxpelax said...

GAMMABLIXT


SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

There's much in the world that you can't explain.
It's revealed for you to remember
by the whispering voice of a distant train
or a midnight rain in november.

Horizon within! You can always find
the keys to Enigma. Let's mention
one basic Truth: of spirited Mind
is Nature naught but extension.

Internal expanses! In dreams, ridden
by fear and longing you roam
that deep Southeast in your soul hidden
...on your random journey back home.

---

As a native Swede, I am particularly proud of my love poetry suite Sonnets for Katie.

My Poems

*

La présence; un coup de vie morte? non, ce n'est qu'être. Et puis pour l'errante fenêtre: étant vue la nuit, dans tous le coins des rues de la veille la même étoile.

*

Poétudes

*

Schwarzez birne!
Aufforderung zur Erotik.

Fremde Gedichte

*

My Spanish Poetry

*

My Laptop Wallpaper Art



And: reciprocity: for mutual benefit, you will do me a favor promoting your own blog on mine!

The best way to do it is lining up as a Follower, since then your icon will advertise you indefinitely, and I will follow you in return. Let's forge a mighty alliance of synergy and common interest.

Yours,

- Peter Ingestad, Sweden

Sarah Hina said...

Can you love a poem, but hate the feeling that conjured it? Because that's how I feel about this one. A beautiful falling of words and rhyme, pinned under a charcoal sky of regret and loss. That last stanza is a kick to the gut. If a perfectly placed one. :)

For me, the constant struggle in life is to remember that "reason." Or to reinvent it, maybe. This poem, for me, feels like the moment before those old, dry leaves catch fire, and that stubborn phoenix rises, anyway.

joaquin carvel said...

terresa - thank you - glad it feels different - i think that's a good thing too. and you know, you can't steal a title, so…have at it. :)

karen - yeah, i got pretty wrapped up in the sounds of this one - which is really fun when it works out, kind of maddening and awful when it doesn't. this one seemed to. thank you - with mutual admiration, of course.

k. - oh, wow - imagining peter o'toole reading this made my week! thank you - and "natural ease" made me smile - a wonderful compliment.

victoria - thank you - i'm glad you enjoy 'em. do you blog / post at all?

peter - thanks, i think.

sarah - the moment before they catch fire - i like that. and i agree - hanging on to (or finding a new) reason is tricky, and constant, but worth it. thank you.

Julie said...

Excellent poem, Joaquin. I won't rehash what everyone else has already said in the comments, but I will ditto the good words. This is poignant and beautiful at the same time.