Thursday, October 7, 2010

Leaving


Nothing gold
can stay, I've heard,
and poplars seem to know

all the ingots
in their arms
are for the letting go.

Leaving, then,
must be like gold,
a weight the heart must heft,

through a furnace,
through the flame,
'till leaving's all that's left.

As it's true
that nothing gold
can ever stay for long

so each note
must leave a throat
for there to be
a song.

25 comments:

Julie said...

Beautiful, Joaquin. And so true. I especially love:

"through a furnace,
through the flame,
'till leaving's all that's left."

Seems like all I've been doing lately is leaving. I can relate big time.

I love the images. I also love that your range is broad--from beat and concrete to this softer voice, which is also awesome. I can't even describe how much I love the last stanza.

Karen said...

This is too beautiful for only posting here. Not that there's anything wrong with here, but this deserves printing!

You've used one of my all-time favorites as your springboard, and while you use Frost's words, your rhythms are reminiscent of Dickinson, especially as you move into that third stanza and enjamb with the next. Those are wonderful lines, but it is probably the qualifying phrase in the next to last stanza that gives this poem it's lift:

As it's true
that nothing gold
can ever stay for long

That "for long" precedes the hopeful note at the end.

I think I have a new favorite.

Karen said...

joaquin, you should link to Willow's Magpie Tales - subject: leaves.

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

"so each note
must leave a throat
for there to be
a song."
Just brilliant...speachless. Came from Willow's magpie tales.

kathi harris said...

Very lyrical.

Brian Miller said...

that was awesome....love your flow...adn as OJ pointed out the close is fantastic...great magPIE!

Jannie Funster said...

OMG, this is beautiful, Joaquin! One of the best poems I've ever read. No surprise tho, as you got it going on poetically.

That last verse, holy cow - amazing.

Poplars, birches, how I miss them so.

xo

Terresa said...

I enjoyed this poem, read it through a few times to savor it.

The last stanza is spectacular:

"so each note
must leave a throat
for there to be
a song."

How it encourages me to look at the world with new eyes!!

Silly Girl said...

"Leaving, then,
must be like gold,
a weight the heart must heft"

I love this. Gold like, indeed!

ps
but still I like silver more :P

Catherine said...

Love the cadence of this piece. Very nice!

Reflections said...

Very nice, lyrical indeed. I to love your imagery and broad spectrum.

willow said...

My-my-my!! Where have you been hiding? This is brilliant. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work with much anticipation!

senderupwords said...

This is a bang up write. 'Nough said. Nice Mag. Love and Light, Sender

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

So many wonderful comments - that I will add my humble estimation, first in agreement with all the positive remarks, and then to say that this is TRULY remarkable. It would be very hard for me to pick the superlative Joaquin Carvel poem, but this just might be it.

As it's true
that nothing gold
can ever stay for long -
so each note
must leave a throat
for there to be
a song.

These lines show your consummate poetic skill - and your poet's heart.

Jingle said...

love the perfect rhyme and rhythm in your tale,
beautiful spirits,
well put.

signed...bkm said...

joaquin - so good to see you at Magpie tales...always look reading you..bkm

Carrie Burtt said...

Such an insightful and beautiful poem...the last line is amazing!
:-)

Tumblewords: said...

Brilliant piece - it sings, sings, sings!

Templeton's fury said...

I read the first lines and was doubtful that you could imitate the genius of Frost.
You did.
And it was well done.
Excellent

writersisland said...

Invite you to try the prompts at Writer's Island...

Sarah Hina said...

The grace of this is what's so stunning. Lyrically and also existentially. I think it's what art is all about. Taking some burden of painful experience, purifying it through the filter of the heart, and transforming it into some thing with wings. Something that connects us to the rest of humanity. Maybe that desire is what's forever.

I absolutely love the lightness here. And that last stanza...some kind of beautiful alchemy, indeed. :)

joaquin carvel said...

julie - must be the autumn creeping in - all that leaving. thank you - and thanks again for the shout-out :)

karen - dickinson? wow. thank you! i took your advice, too, and linked to magpie tales - another wow. didn't realize how many folks would be dropping by!

oj and kathi - thank you!

brian - thank you - new to magpie but maybe i should start paying attention. :)

jannie - "ever read"?! holy cow. thank you!

terresa - what an incredible thing to say. thank you.

sg - hey there! great to see you! (i'd probably take silver over gold too - unless we're talking about leaves. :)) thank you!

catherine and reflections - thank you - glad you dropped in.

willow - hiding out here, i guess. :) thank you - you have an amazing community happening over there.

sender - thanks!

k. - i'm kind of speechless. thank you - your words are a world of wonderful.

jingle - thank you!

bkm - thanks! thank karen, too - it was her suggestion. :)

carrie - thank you!

tumblewords - glad to hear it. thanks!

templeton's fury - that is a staggering compliment. thank you.

sarah - i love that idea - a burden becoming wings. sometimes it's the best i can hope for. thank you - i think i'm going to stash "some kind of beautiful alchemy" in my titles-to-use-someday box. :)

~T~ said...

Beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Hello. I like your poetry. It's sensitive and you always have a point to make; a message. It has depth, but it's accessible, which is a challenging balance, don't you agree?

I like that you have a small fan base of loyal followers. I like that you care about words and share your vulnerabilities and feelings.

Best of luck with your writing and other pursuits.

Victoria

PS: I am neither "saucy" nor "prissy" as you implied in another blogger's comment section.

joaquin carvel said...

victoria - thank you very much for stopping by and for your generous words. yes, i do agree - that kind of balance is a challenge. and regarding the ps - i'm sure you aren't. i found (and said) the exchange itself was "saucy" - i didn't intend that to apply to either of you personally. nor did i use the word "prissy". but i'm sorry for any misunderstanding.