Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dones Capped

when it got too cold
to travel
when it got too dark
to see
i was forced
to build a fire
with the maps
you made for me

as the embers
drifted upwards
they set all the
stars to flying;
i have found
their fallen feathers
i’m done chasing
but still trying

through the breathlessness
of mountains
and the valley
of the ghost
it was never
me i looked for;
i’m not who
i thought of most

where the sand
becomes a mirror
i denied
what i was proving;
it’s the rain
that makes the river
i’m done running
but still moving

i can’t tell you
that i’m sorry
but i can’t say
i was right;
it’s a funny thing
but sometimes
there’s more beauty
in the blight

when the sum of loss
is profit
and when faith
deciphers knowing
every lily
wears a crown;
i’m done building
but still growing

and i think you
always knew
even as you
watched me leave
that it wouldn’t
be the answers
but the questions
i’d believe

put a candle
in the window
trim the wick and
keep it burning –
don’t be worried
know i’m coming
i’m done searching
but still learning

15 comments:

Julie said...

I love it! You make me hear the music, Joaquin. I swear, I can hear it playing when I read this beautiful poem. As always, that rhythm is wonderful.

Your poems often make me think of people I have met. I love the voice and your great storytelling ability through the voice. With this one, I think of a man I know who spent most of his life on the road. As a senior citizen, he has settled down now, but he's "done running but still moving." I love those lines.

The second stanza knocks me breathless. I LOVE "i have found/their fallen feathers" and all of the imagery in that stanza. Beautiful!!

I love your play with the title, too:) Awesome work. Thank you! I love Thursdays!

Brosreview said...

Ah, I can instantly imagine this as a great song. Brilliantly written!!! Keep at it!!!

Karen said...

"seriously, don't worry about it. tell me what you think." I just looked over and saw that as I was trying to compose my thoughts.

Seriously, what I think is that you have a unique way of seeing through things and people. Your vision encompasses a variety of types, and you seem to have a special understanding of the quirky, sad, misunderstood, looked-down upon, and disenfranchised. Sometimes, your vision is almost painful in its clarity as it exposes the pretenses and hypocrisies of people. Most of the time, though, your tone is so gentle, that even when we recognize those hypocrisies, we know you aren't chastising us; you don't judge.

I think the rhythm of your poetry is delightful. It is one of the things I like most about your work. It makes your poetry musical -- not singsong, but musical.

I think the structure of your poems is often surprising, fresh, and interesting. I think your titles are witty.

I think dones capped is brilliant. Period. Like Julie, I wait for Thursdays. I check first thing in the morning before I begin my day to see if you have posted the night before. I sneak and check at work. When I see you have posted, I read the title and savor knowing I'll have this treat when I get home.

Okay. Enough. But...I mean every word. I wouldn't say it if I didn't.

Karen said...

I just left here and went back to my blog, and you had left your comment while I was here leaving mine. Then I came back here and see that my old friend Kaye is on here, too. It was through Old Mossy Moon, by the way, that I found you. Thanks to you both!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Interesting juxtaposing here - just like life and love, so many contrasts. Your poems fairly sparkle with wisdom and delight, with that astonishing twist that only you can pull off! Your imagination is inherently metaphorically, your poems intellectually passionate. One can almost feel the inventive force of your work on the flat screen on the monitior.

through the breathlessness
of mountains
and the valley
of the ghost
it was never
me i looked for;
i’m not who
i thought of most

this poem is immensely engaging - like all your impressive work!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

My gosh - I have so many typos - I am, usually, pretty assiduous in looking for those before posting! But, like I told Karen, I think my brain is still partially numb from the wedding weekend.

I meant to say "inherently metaphorical," and "of the monitor."

I know this all seems so marginal - but, I just don't want to appear sloppy! Give me a day or two and I'll be back to normal. (or abnormal as is the case):O

utopianfragments said...

wonderful. indeed it read with such a clarity of rhythm it fabulous. and some really good lines.
i mean the whole as whole is good, and there are still some lines that can stand alone and be just perfect.

Aniquez de los mil luces said...

WOW! I am done reading,
but am still enjoying.

Loved the rhythm in it.

Silly Girl said...

"...and i think you
always knew
even as you
watched me leave
that it wouldn’t
be the answers
but the questions
i’d believe..."
these lines made me sad... can't explain why.
the poem is amazing in deed.
i love how you weave with words...
i love how your words make me feel.
i'll always come back for more. ;)

Little Girl Lost said...

i was forced to build a fire with the maps you made for me...
my god, how many times have i done this???

i found myself in almost every line of tis poem...

Joaquin, you don't just write poetry, you create songs... i love you. i do i do i do :)

soulintention said...

Wow, this is incredible - the stanza that grabbed my soul was

and i think you
always knew
even as you
watched me leave
that it wouldn't
be the anwsers
bu the questions
i'd believe

this hit me like a rock, being one who has always look for the next question because i could not see an anwswer if it slapped me in the face.

there is something in this piece for anyone who has lived any length of time. and the beauty of life is that as long as we are still breathing, we continue to keep moving, trying and learning. thank you so much sharing this piece -

Catvibe said...

This one really touched me (do I say that every time I read one of yours?) but it did. It captures the soul of questioning in relationship, in a way I really connected with.

and i think you
always knew
even as you
watched me leave
that it wouldn’t
be the answers
but the questions
i’d believe

I SOOOO know what you mean here. You have captured a treasure.

emptygarden said...

Joaquin, what beautiful work..i'm filled with such longing when it's done. SO happy to have found you!!!! jorc

Jannie Funster said...

Heart-breaking and I'm not exactly sure, but that's what makes it even better.

morningjoy said...

Thanks to Soulintention, I found your blog. These lines touched me deeply:

when the sum of loss
is profit
and faith
deciphers knowing
every lily
wears a crown
I'm done building
but still growing

You write with sensitivity and wisdom. Thank you for inspiring me to reflect and thereby garner jewels of understanding.
I look forward to a weekly visit here with your poetry. Karen