Thursday, January 21, 2010

3 Days of Rain


I.

Woke up to the tuneful sound
of steady-falling
rain come down.

Like a friend who’s come around
who’s been away,
who just hit town.

Let the wiper blades keep time;
we’ll catch up in
the shimmer-shine.

II.

Mid-afternoon; the gloomy glow
of sun diffused
by clouds below.

Like a guest who doesn’t know
the welcome’s worn -
it’s time to go.

Sorry for the mess and all –
hang on, I better
take this call.


III.

Driving home; another fight
through flooded streets,
refracted light.

Like a rival, flashing spite,
gnashing through
the swirling night.

Sodden, sopping, soaking wet.
I am not done.
I’ll drown you yet.

10 comments:

Karen said...

I love the rhythm of this and found myself reading aloud to hear just that. I mean no offense by this, but it reminds me of a jumprope song, the likes of which we used to pace ourselves when we were children.

Besides the rhythm and rhyme, here are some phrases I enjoyed:

"we'll catch up in
the shimmer-shine"

Shimmer shine. Wonderful!)

"the gloomy glow"

"Like a rival, flashing spite" and of course

"Sodden, sopping, soaking wet.
I am not done.
I'll drown you yet."

Fun poem, although I take it the situation is no laughing matter!

BloggerMouth said...

You're a master writer. I love how you've segmented this in three parts... it was like reading a play.

"Let the wiper blades keep time;
we’ll catch up in
the shimmer-shine."

Beautiful. Couldn't help imagining the wiper blades making a tic toc sound like a pendulum moving side to side.

Julie said...

I almost feel guilty for enjoying this one so much, because I know it's no laughing matter. But with your trademark wit, you take me on a ride that makes me smile...at first. I thought of certain people in my own life who drop in and stay for endless amounts of time. Your title is brilliant. As the old saying goes, after three days, they start to stink.

I stopped smiling when I thought about the serious side of the poem. I love it when a poem can take me from light-hearted to serious. It stops me in my tracks and makes me think.

The rhythm is awesome and feels like the sound of the wiper blades. It's great how you speed it up in Section III when the rain is falling even harder.

I also love how the similes change in each section...from a friend to a guest who's wearing out a welcome...to a rival who will "drown you yet."

catvibe said...

I smiled reading Julies analysis. So true! The guest part. Weather is like that isn't it? I hear it is not raining cats and dogs, but horses and cows out there. Loved your poem, it feels like a storm actually.

Sarah Hina said...

Wow. I saw it as a three-act play, too. That rain really turns the screw.

How do you do this?? Conjure rain, and its weight, with words that sound like the thing itself. From "shimmer-shine" to "I'll drown you yet"--you are a master of mood in this. And like Julie said, the slapping rhythm in the third section perfectly reflects the pernicious madness of raindrops that refuse to let up. If this poem were a color palette, it would shade from glimmering silver to dismal grey to most-saturated black.

Awesome, Joaquin. :) And I'm sorry I've been away a little while, too.

Nevine said...

I love this sparring with the rain, although I suspect there is a hidden sparring partner in that very rain, and a very tenacious one at that! From the rhythm to the words to the perfect rawness of how you laid this out, I loved every part of this poem... every word!

Nevine

utopianfragments said...

ohh how i missed your rhymes and stories.
but now... tada!!! i have learned to use this reader thing and you are on it
i wish that will get me here more often

stay dry amigo

joaquin carvel said...

ok, i know i'm spoiled and that in some parts of the country at this time of year 3 days of rain is known simply as "the weekend". but still. this is california. and el nino doesn't pay the (obscene) rent.

karen - none taken :) - i kind of like how that contrasts with the poem. thank you - and we all managed to survive!

blo-mo - thank you - glad you read it that way - and heard the tic-toc - just what i was thinking.

julie - no need to feel guilty - the rain just made me think of the metaphor - but i'm glad you read this both ways, as that's how i felt when i was writing it. thank you!

cat - it was pretty wet. and i'm not one who minds the rain - as long as it knows when to blow over.:) thanks!

sarah - i have darts and a wall papered with thesaurus pages. just kidding. thank you (seriously) - i started this on the first day (with 2/3 more forecasted), but by the third day the mood kind of wrote itself. and no need to apologize - i'm lagging too - just glad you dropped in!

nevine - thank you! yes, i couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was definitely something lurking there. one of those things where you know it but can't name it.

u-frag - good to see you! i should really try to figure that reader out - thank you - a little soggy but it's nice now.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

It is hard to add to the astute comments above. I just wanted you to know that I admire this work very much. I imagine rain, at times, does seem like the best (or worst) of rivals. Here's hoping you always win.

Aniket said...

The last stanza pretty much summed up my relationship with the rains. They just wait for me to step out during the monsoons and then splash!

Karen's jumprope comparison did bring back such sweet memories. Stupidiotic games were super fun.