Thursday, March 26, 2009

Dominoes

Parading precisely the ivory shines
spiraling coils and laid out in lines
deftly designed and exactly dispersed;
everyone itches to tap on the first

First you make your way alone
then you make a friend
you make a date for Friday
you make love all weekend.

First you love the candle light
then you love the waking
then you love the offering
then you love the taking.

With barely a breath, no more than a graze
the clatter begins and a roar starts to raise
tipping and falling and speeding past stopping;
everyone loves to hear dominoes dropping

First you take some photographs
then you take the cake
then you take for granted
then you take a break.

First you break some promises
then you break a heart
then you break some dishes
and then you break apart.

Like running the wheels off a Radio Flyer
fast and as far as a telephone wire
strung up on poles, heading right out of town;
everyone leaves when they’ve all fallen down

11 comments:

silly girl said...

the analogy is perfect!
u got a smooth talent and a sharp mind ;)

-confessional- said...

I just read through this a few times, and I must say, I really enjoy it. The breaking up of the two styles of stanzas is beautiful and perfect for telling the story. Once again, you have mastered it, and you have made my Thursday morning reading more interesting and valuable. I love your work!

Karen said...

Oh, Joaquin! You've done it again. The juxtaposition of these two (could be) complete poems is perfection itself. You are not only a master poet, but you are also a master observer of the human condition.

I may have said this before, and if I didn't I should have: I think you and KLG are the two best poets on the blogs.

Brosreview said...

Very well done!!! Yea, I too loved the analogy here. Staggering!!! Keep writing!!!

trooping with crows said...

Oh, the highs of life, love, intimacy...then, a big come down, let down, and all the excitement gone. This one really feels like an emotional roller coaster ride. Don't mean to copy everyone else, but I really do like the analogy, too. It is extremely..(sorry to use this word)..creative.
As always, loved it.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

This poem has an EFFECT on me! PUN - oh-so intended!!

What an absolutely incredible analogy. You have described relationships so metaphorically that, honestly, I am speechless!
(Well, we all know that never *really* happens)

Events in a relationship are chain reactions, just like the Domino Effect...Wow!

So many amazing lines here, but, I have to commend you on your ability to grab the reader's attention with your first stanza. You have mastered that, I think.
Then, of course, you always finish with *the* definitive ending. I always have a different reaction to each poem ending - and - I think I almost always tell you what it is. For this one, I blinked hard four or five times and shook my head slowly, like I just watched 10,000 dominoes fall.

I'll be coming back (like always) to read this many times. Thank you, Joaquin, for sharing your gift with us!

maaga..... said...

i wouldn't change a single word...every word is where it's supposed to be and this made for a wonderful read..

great work as usual..
until next thursday.

frozenwell said...

i totally agree woth the very first comment and the very last comment...bizzare..this structure is too new to me..did u invent this?like two similar stanzas then a differnt kind..kind of...nice one.."First you break some promises
then you break a heart
then you break some dishes
and then you break apart."
this is just too perfect..thanks
-narendra

Julie said...

Awesome poem! I LOVE how you begin with the dominoes, and then a person who is alone. And that repetition of "First" and "then" is perfect. Then you show us how the relationship spirals down and falls completely.

I also find the line "everyone loves to hear dominoes dropping" very interesting. There's a great echo in the last line, too. It makes me think of how people love to talk when someone is breaking up. It's almost as if they love to hear the "exciting" news of devastation. Of course, I'm only speaking about breakups I've seen in my own life, so I generalize.

You are the master of rhythm, Joaquin. And a wonderful poet. I love it!

soulintention said...

Joaquin,
Love your rhyme and the image of the dominoes; the game of life and love - wonderful, wonderful

joaquin carvel said...

ok - someone needs to tell me something sucks soon - keep me grounded - so i don't get all bloated and arrogant.

silly girl - thank you - takes one to know one, right?

confessional - so glad you swung by! thank you - i aspire to "interesting", but "valuable" surprised me (in the best possible way).

karen - i think i may put "master observer of the human condition" as my profession on my tax return this year. that is awesome. seriously, thank you for the amazing support - and for putting me in such brilliant company!

borosreview - thank you - your enthusiasm is an incredible boost.

troop(ing with crows) - "sorry to use this word" made me laugh - i completely relate - thank you, and i'm glad you enjoyed the ride.

k - speechless? i hope not. you have too many wonderful things to say - and i really enjoy hearing your reactions - it's a weird thing, that i wouldn't want to sit in front of someone as they read these but i always want to know a reader's thoughts/reactions - i guess this is a perfect forum for that quirk. thank you, for your thoughtful words and for sharing your own gift.

maaga - thank you, a lot - you wouldn't believe how unconvinced of that i was.

frozenwell - thank you - i don't think i invented anything - i just don't know what it would be called. hope to see you again.

julie - i was kind of thinking that too - that the gossip (inevitably) swirling around has that same clackity sound and blur and tendency to just knock things down. thank you for your (always) insightful comments.

soulintention - thank you - "the game of life and love" pretty much sums it up.